I believe that the decision to have children or not to have children is a personal choice. I have never asked someone why they don’t have children. I have spent a large part of my life not wanting children and have believed that thought will follow me through life. And later I learned that nothing really prepares you for parenting. For all of us that have children, the experiences are different and unique.

But I do strongly believe that when you do become a parent no matter if it was unexpected or planned there are things you need to do for your children. Important things. Things that nobody else should do for you if you are healthy and able. I don’t want to say that some people take parenting not seriously enough. It is not my place to judge and I do not know what other person maybe is going through. But if you want to have children, if you are planning to have children, or if you already have children maybe just take a look at the list I have prepared. Even if you still don’t see yourself as having children take a look at some of the things that people with children do daily and what is that life like on emotional, spiritual, economic, and any other levels.

Provide for them

So right from the start. The economic level of being a parent. It’s common sense that you need to provide for your children. Food, clothes, shelter, and everything else that involves. From the moment you bring them home from the hospital to the moment they spread their wings and leave your home. In some cases, some parents provide for their children even when they are all grown up. Children require money. Nobody lives on the air itself. And we as parents need to provide as much as they need.

Now some parents will go to extremes based on their circumstances. They will buy expensive designer clothes, the latest toys, phones, the best schools, and so on. Some parents will try to teach their children responsibility and make them involved in the process of providing everything. Whatever you choose to do it will have consequences. Children learn by example and they learn fast. If you teach them that they can get a new toy every day they will demand it even on days when you can’t afford it. It’s a double-edged sword that you need to balance with.

Protect them

You will spend a bigger portion of your parenting life thinking about how to protect your children. And in our world, there are so many things that they need protection from. Children need a safe environment to thrive. Here I’m not talking only about protecting them from crime, bad people, or drugs. Children also need emotional protection when they are small. They need to be safe from abuse, manipulation, and violence.

In the world of social media, many things are lurking, that your child could be attracted to. Internet is not safeguarding our children from exposure to violent, sexualized and predatory content. And parents need to be aware of it more than ever before. Sometimes I feel like we need to protect them against the world. Where everything can be brought to extremes. Parents nowadays are scared of uploading photos of their kids on social media. And I totally understand them. Children are exploited for likes on youtube videos, for more followers on Instagram, or used to create media content while they are too young to understand what is really happening. So yes protecting your children is a very hard task that each and every parent need to deal with in his own accord.

Nurture them

Maybe this is the part that we all love most. For any child to thrive it needs to feel that it’s being loved, it’s being nurtured. And there are so many things you can do to show it. I understand how hard it is in this modern age when single parents are sometimes working two jobs to make ends meet and don’t have enough time to spend with their children. Even two parents have to work to pay for all living expenses while children are being taken care of in daycares or schools.

But children need to feel nurtured so much. So kiss them, tuck them in at night, read them a book. Play and dance with them, hold their hand when they are scared, and make their favorite snack on Sundays. Check under their beds for monsters, and ask them what they want to be when they grow up. Share their dreams, and imaginations, and draw with them. Do all the things that they like to do. Listen to them when they are angry, and hold them tight when they are scared. Wipe their tears when they are sad and tell them how much you love them every single day. Nurture them not only when they are small and cute but when they become moody teenagers and young adults. Show them what love is about and that they will always be accepted, wanted, and loved. No matter what.

Teach them

Go easy on the alphabet and numbers. Math and science. History and languages. These are all the things they will learn at school from teachers and other kids. Your children need to learn about the world. Why the sky is blue? Where people go when they die? Why is mummy sad? You need to teach your children imagination and the reality. Planting a flower, watching it blossom and watching it dry out. Dont teach them the world through your eyes. Let them learn how they see it.

This is maybe the most important thing you can do for your children. How they will deal with their life in the future and the world around them will be partly based on the experiences that you have provided. When we fail in this it could result in some people being racist, bigots, we create discrimination, and emotional suffering. Children need to know the truth about themselves, about the world we live in, and about the choices they need to make. From a very early age, their character will start to show. Some children can be quiet and calm. Some on the other hand can cause a storm. So what you teach your children will become a part of their character. And what they see you do. They need to know that it’s wrong to hurt people, but it’s okay to be angry. They need to learn how to deal with their emotions, good or bad. There are so many things to teach them and not all of them will be easy.

Let them go

And this one always makes me cry. Don’t think that you will have to wait 18 years or more to let them go. You will be letting them go their entire life. From letting them make their first step, their first fall. You will be constantly forced to stand and watch while your heart is hurting.

Our children need to have the freedom to do things on their own. From their first day at kindergarten to their first sleepover with their friends. You will watch them fall in love, get dumped, get married, maybe get a divorce. Parenting is a never-ending cycle where you will have to let your children go. Sometimes they will come back to you. Often also they will go and create a happy life without you as the main character in it. It is the way of life.

Letting go of your children is never an easy thing. Since they are very small and want to do things on their own they will need you less and less. They don’t want to snuggle anymore, or they don’t need you to pick them up from school. Our children are our children but they don’t belong to us. They are like birds that will spread their wings and leave their nests to create another life. And you as a parent need to slowly show them how to be independent. Prepare them for a time when you will no longer be around to lead them through life. So when they are faced with the harshness, ugliness, and troubles of this world they will not lose hope, they will not break. They will remember your strength, love, and power and they will survive.